Hi all. For those who don't know me. Had my son in 2017 no issues. Then had 2 mcs, since diagnosed with high nk cells.
Fell pregnant on new protocol of steroids Jan 2019. Finally saw a hb and fab growth. However, baby diagnosed with downs and possible heart issues culminating in a termination on Thursday.
I had a busy day Friday getting stuff ready for my sons 2nd bday party on sat. Sat was the party itself. Sunday I spent trying to be happy and spending the day with my mum. Yday I spent the day looking after my friends daughter as she is doing her PhD research atm and had already agreed to help.
Today I dropped my son at the childminders and it just hit me. I stupidly asked the consultant if my daughter was alive still before the procedure and she said yes. She was jumping around. I have hideous images in my head of her being sucked out alive. I had a surgical at 14 weeks. I can't stop crying. She was so wanted and it was with such a heavy heart we took the termination decision. One min I feel OK and the next I can't stop crying. I also cannot sleep. I feel at my worst in the evening. I'm trying to stay strong for my son but I feel a wreck.
Last week everyone seemed to ask how I was but this week no one has contacted me and I feel that everyone has forgotten about our daughter. Silly I know as to them she was a 14 week fetus but to us she was our longed for daughter.
We are going to try again when I've had a period which is good and I'm trying to look after myself by eating well and doing gentle exercise but the sadness just seems to hit me. It hurts. My heart hurts.
I keep seeing people pregnant. Quite a few of my friends are due around the same time as our daughter was and I feel a horrid mix of jealous and resentment. I feel guilty for that as I am happy for them. I just worry we won't have another or it'll take ages.
The steroids worked and we got our little rainbow but sadly we had apparent fluke bad luck and our rainbow had downs and serious heart issues.
Urgh. No reason for this post. Sorry.
Fell pregnant on new protocol of steroids Jan 2019. Finally saw a hb and fab growth. However, baby diagnosed with downs and possible heart issues culminating in a termination on Thursday.
I had a busy day Friday getting stuff ready for my sons 2nd bday party on sat. Sat was the party itself. Sunday I spent trying to be happy and spending the day with my mum. Yday I spent the day looking after my friends daughter as she is doing her PhD research atm and had already agreed to help.
Today I dropped my son at the childminders and it just hit me. I stupidly asked the consultant if my daughter was alive still before the procedure and she said yes. She was jumping around. I have hideous images in my head of her being sucked out alive. I had a surgical at 14 weeks. I can't stop crying. She was so wanted and it was with such a heavy heart we took the termination decision. One min I feel OK and the next I can't stop crying. I also cannot sleep. I feel at my worst in the evening. I'm trying to stay strong for my son but I feel a wreck.
Last week everyone seemed to ask how I was but this week no one has contacted me and I feel that everyone has forgotten about our daughter. Silly I know as to them she was a 14 week fetus but to us she was our longed for daughter.
We are going to try again when I've had a period which is good and I'm trying to look after myself by eating well and doing gentle exercise but the sadness just seems to hit me. It hurts. My heart hurts.
I keep seeing people pregnant. Quite a few of my friends are due around the same time as our daughter was and I feel a horrid mix of jealous and resentment. I feel guilty for that as I am happy for them. I just worry we won't have another or it'll take ages.
The steroids worked and we got our little rainbow but sadly we had apparent fluke bad luck and our rainbow had downs and serious heart issues.
Urgh. No reason for this post. Sorry.
