Hi all, it seems strange being back in these groups after so long away from them, but I got a very unplanned BFP last week after giving up trying over 18 months ago! I have a beautiful 8 year old boy Max and My little angel baby Zak who would have been 5 last week. We tried for over 2 years to get pregnant again after Max, and, Zak was a very welcomed and wanted baby, but sadly he was born at 23 weeks and only lived for 2 hours, we had TFMR due to multiple congenital heart problems including HPLS. Since then I have been through hell and back, obsessed with TTC. I have miscarried twins at 8 weeks, been diagnosed with PCOS, taken clomid and taken metformin for 3 years. 2 years ago I decided enough was enough and gave up on the Metformin and the whole idea of having another child. 1month later I got a BFP, this only lasted 2 weeks but was enough to mess with my head again. It just seems that each time I get my head straight and try to move on, something happens again.
Since then we have moved house and cleared out everything baby related and moved on with our lives. I was at a stage where life was good, my 8 yr old the apple of my eye, my marriage good and I no longer felt the need for any more children, plus the fact I am 40 in July and my husband is 48! We have recently planned to renovate our house including knocking through into our spare room for a walk in wardrobe. I also took the step of coming off my anti-depressants which i have been on since the death of baby Zak. My husband has been working away a lot lately and only home at weekends and last week I realised I was late. I waited a few days before testing as I have been down this road a million times, but eventually there it was, a BFP!! I can not even describe how I feel, I must be around 6 weeks, so this is the furthest I have gone in nearly 5 years! I am shocked, scared, nervous, ... a little upset as I had gotten past all this, but at the same time I feel guilty because I should be over the moon as I wanted it for so long... My husband is devastated... he really didnt want another any more, after losing Zak he agreed to try for a year after but he now says he is too old and the age gap between the 2 is too much now. He is also scared for me and what I have already been through, but he is also incredibly supportive considering what he has been through too.
I have had 10 days to get my head round it and am starting to feel happier about it, but really dont want to tell anyone for months yet, after 20 week scan if possible lol. Sorry for the essay, but I can't talk to anyone about this yet and my head is up my backside so this is my only way of letting it out I suppose.
Well that was a big return to the group haha, thanks for reading this far xxx
Since then we have moved house and cleared out everything baby related and moved on with our lives. I was at a stage where life was good, my 8 yr old the apple of my eye, my marriage good and I no longer felt the need for any more children, plus the fact I am 40 in July and my husband is 48! We have recently planned to renovate our house including knocking through into our spare room for a walk in wardrobe. I also took the step of coming off my anti-depressants which i have been on since the death of baby Zak. My husband has been working away a lot lately and only home at weekends and last week I realised I was late. I waited a few days before testing as I have been down this road a million times, but eventually there it was, a BFP!! I can not even describe how I feel, I must be around 6 weeks, so this is the furthest I have gone in nearly 5 years! I am shocked, scared, nervous, ... a little upset as I had gotten past all this, but at the same time I feel guilty because I should be over the moon as I wanted it for so long... My husband is devastated... he really didnt want another any more, after losing Zak he agreed to try for a year after but he now says he is too old and the age gap between the 2 is too much now. He is also scared for me and what I have already been through, but he is also incredibly supportive considering what he has been through too.
I have had 10 days to get my head round it and am starting to feel happier about it, but really dont want to tell anyone for months yet, after 20 week scan if possible lol. Sorry for the essay, but I can't talk to anyone about this yet and my head is up my backside so this is my only way of letting it out I suppose.
Well that was a big return to the group haha, thanks for reading this far xxx