I haven't been able to bring myself to post on any group for almost a year however I have been following many of the ladies on various groups which has been of great support to me.
I had to say goodbye to my much wanted second baby last August.
She was due on Christmas Eve and would have had a 14th month older sister. When we got pregnant 5 months after our first child, it was all I ever wanted. Siblings close together. I am 38 and was aware of my age. Never thought of what lay ahead of us. At our big scan, heart defects were the main concern but following further scans and tests, we had to have an amino. We received the news that our baby, in addition to heart defects, was diagnosed with T21. We were devastated. We knew this baby would have too many challenges ahead and made the decision to TFMR. I can hardly believe what happened to us last year and everyday miss my little girl so much. I read here it does get easier and if it weren't for my first daughter I honestly don't know where I would be.
Eight months after losing my angel, we were expecting again. This pregnancy is one week ahead of last years and every milestone, hospital visit and thought reminds me of my lost hopes and dreams for my angel and our family.
It has been a pregnancy of worries, guilt and anxiety so far - we have had some tests done to rule out chromosomal issues and thankfully they came back clear- but I am waiting for something to go wrong again. Last year was so out of the blue.
We are due to have our anatomy scan next week and am hoping, that if we get the all clear, I will be able to enjoy making this new life somewhat.
As the dates of this pregnancy and last years are basically the same, I am about to come to the year anniversary of letting my angel go. I don't know how to mark this. Her ashes are beside my bed- I don't feel ready for scattering and saying goodbye. I have been in counselling for most of the past year and have been told I need to try and let go but I cant or I don't know how.
I thought being pregnant again - I was desperate to get pregnant immediately afterwards- would help and yes it does. But nothing, nothing can change last year or take the pain away.
Maybe when our rainbow gets here, I will find peace...
This is a longer post than I intended- thanks for reading and for the solace and comfort I found reading all your posts over the past year.
X
I had to say goodbye to my much wanted second baby last August.
She was due on Christmas Eve and would have had a 14th month older sister. When we got pregnant 5 months after our first child, it was all I ever wanted. Siblings close together. I am 38 and was aware of my age. Never thought of what lay ahead of us. At our big scan, heart defects were the main concern but following further scans and tests, we had to have an amino. We received the news that our baby, in addition to heart defects, was diagnosed with T21. We were devastated. We knew this baby would have too many challenges ahead and made the decision to TFMR. I can hardly believe what happened to us last year and everyday miss my little girl so much. I read here it does get easier and if it weren't for my first daughter I honestly don't know where I would be.
Eight months after losing my angel, we were expecting again. This pregnancy is one week ahead of last years and every milestone, hospital visit and thought reminds me of my lost hopes and dreams for my angel and our family.
It has been a pregnancy of worries, guilt and anxiety so far - we have had some tests done to rule out chromosomal issues and thankfully they came back clear- but I am waiting for something to go wrong again. Last year was so out of the blue.
We are due to have our anatomy scan next week and am hoping, that if we get the all clear, I will be able to enjoy making this new life somewhat.
As the dates of this pregnancy and last years are basically the same, I am about to come to the year anniversary of letting my angel go. I don't know how to mark this. Her ashes are beside my bed- I don't feel ready for scattering and saying goodbye. I have been in counselling for most of the past year and have been told I need to try and let go but I cant or I don't know how.
I thought being pregnant again - I was desperate to get pregnant immediately afterwards- would help and yes it does. But nothing, nothing can change last year or take the pain away.
Maybe when our rainbow gets here, I will find peace...
This is a longer post than I intended- thanks for reading and for the solace and comfort I found reading all your posts over the past year.
X