Hi all,
I've never posted in this group, so apologies for jumping straight in with a long boring confusing post asking for feedback from you. I feel a bit out of my depth, and could do with some words of wisdom (or even a 'thats normal in this situation') to keep me going!
I am 30 weeks into this pregnancy, after loosing my daughter in September at 25 weeks. I've passed all the big milestones, lots of detailed scans, and catch ups with the consultant. She is happy that this is very much a 'normal' pregnancy.
I hadn't planned on getting pregnant, i had planned to get my head around our loss (and stop the anti depressants and valium!) before i thought about it. I had antinatal depression with my 4 year old, and know i need to be mentally strong to cope with all the hormones etc. So to find myself pregnant only 10 weeks after saying hello and goodbye to my daughter was frightening! I think i dealt with it by pretending it wasn't happening (great way to make the pregnancy fly!). But i can't do that the whole way through. My OH has been great at taking my lead, not really talking about it, but even he realises we need to start getting ready. I've got a loft loaded with stuff (i hope it's all still in one piece…), but every time i think about starting to list what we need, or think of looking at names, my heart beats twice as fast, and butterflies infest my insides! I can't help but feel i should be doing this for *her* not this wee guy i'm cooking. I should be complaining that she is giving me heartburn, and has turned me into some sort of beached whale. I just find it really hard to enjoy him, when it feel like it is at the expence of my daughter. How do you strike a balance? I had hoped it would get easier once i got past the gestation i losst our daughter, but its not at all. I just find myself feeling more and more heartbroken that it couldn't be her i am carring now. And with that come terrible guilt that i am not bonding with the new baby, it's not his fault i am feeling like this. I need to sort myself out for his benefit. Which means getting things ready for him, heck, I'd even settle for just being able to talk about him without a wave of panic running through me!
I just wondered if i am the monster i feel like, if anyone else has felt torn between love for their Angels and love for their Rainbows, or if anyone has any tips on biting the bullet, and getting stuff ready!
Thanks xx
I've never posted in this group, so apologies for jumping straight in with a long boring confusing post asking for feedback from you. I feel a bit out of my depth, and could do with some words of wisdom (or even a 'thats normal in this situation') to keep me going!
I am 30 weeks into this pregnancy, after loosing my daughter in September at 25 weeks. I've passed all the big milestones, lots of detailed scans, and catch ups with the consultant. She is happy that this is very much a 'normal' pregnancy.
I hadn't planned on getting pregnant, i had planned to get my head around our loss (and stop the anti depressants and valium!) before i thought about it. I had antinatal depression with my 4 year old, and know i need to be mentally strong to cope with all the hormones etc. So to find myself pregnant only 10 weeks after saying hello and goodbye to my daughter was frightening! I think i dealt with it by pretending it wasn't happening (great way to make the pregnancy fly!). But i can't do that the whole way through. My OH has been great at taking my lead, not really talking about it, but even he realises we need to start getting ready. I've got a loft loaded with stuff (i hope it's all still in one piece…), but every time i think about starting to list what we need, or think of looking at names, my heart beats twice as fast, and butterflies infest my insides! I can't help but feel i should be doing this for *her* not this wee guy i'm cooking. I should be complaining that she is giving me heartburn, and has turned me into some sort of beached whale. I just find it really hard to enjoy him, when it feel like it is at the expence of my daughter. How do you strike a balance? I had hoped it would get easier once i got past the gestation i losst our daughter, but its not at all. I just find myself feeling more and more heartbroken that it couldn't be her i am carring now. And with that come terrible guilt that i am not bonding with the new baby, it's not his fault i am feeling like this. I need to sort myself out for his benefit. Which means getting things ready for him, heck, I'd even settle for just being able to talk about him without a wave of panic running through me!
I just wondered if i am the monster i feel like, if anyone else has felt torn between love for their Angels and love for their Rainbows, or if anyone has any tips on biting the bullet, and getting stuff ready!
Thanks xx