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Baby Diary (sorry a bit long)

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I have put my EDD into the Babycentre app even though after last time I said I wouldn't as it took me ages to figure out how to turn off the weekly progress as it was a painful reminder.

This week it's mentioned starting a baby diary. I did one last time but it stopped abruptly at 12 weeks and I've never opened it since. Part of me feels like I want to but another is scared it will happen again. I think I am currently struggling to believe this pregnancy will happen.

On Saturday my DH and I went to Next to buy new bed covers and I inadvertently wandered into the kids/baby section. When I realised it I bolted out of there much to my DHs annoyance. I keep saying "if it happens" and "hopefully" a lot and wish I could get past that. I keep thinking about last time on the Friday before my terrible 16 wk anomaly scan I allowed myself for a second to look at baby clothes and hope. I don't want to have that feeling again but I want to believe I can be happy like everyone else. Anyone have any advice?

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