Hi ladies. This is a bit of an odd post, and I'm not quite sure how to express it, but let's see how it goes!
I'm currently 25 weeks' pregnant with my rainbow, having lost our first baby 2 years ago to T21 and cystic hygroma. I'm also 40 and went through IVF to get here (althouh my angel was a natural pregnancy). So, the point is it's taken a long and rocky road to get here, and I'm relatively old to be starting out as a mum.
My concern is this - will I be able to get my head round becoming a mum? I've spent so long feeling like it might never happen, that I'm not sure I'll be able to take on this new identity very easily. I could probably be described as a 'career girl' although I have always wanted to be a 'family girl' too. But the reality is I know how to be the busy professional and it's a huge part of my identity. I'm not worried that I won't love my baby - I already do. It's more that I won't allow myself to believe that it's ok to call myself a mum - that I'm allowed to have this very precious thing that has evaded me so far. I think I see motherhood as this ultimate status that I maybe don't deserve...? It was just something I saw in a book I bought for my OH - it said that he should look in the mirror and say 'I'm going to be a father' to get used to the idea, and I realised I probably need to do the same, but actually might struggle!
Does this make any sense? I googled 'identity' and 'motherhood', but there were only articles about being concerned about losing your identity to motherhood - my worry is quite the opposite! I thought I'd ask you ladies as you've all been through long and difficult roads and are more likely to understand. Do any of you have similar feelings, or have had in the past and found ways round it?